Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
