Nicole vs. Life
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
NoShamevember. You game?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
