I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Randomize
