If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
