So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
