we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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