what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
