Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
