AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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