I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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