just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
