Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
