It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
