what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
