well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
We have started to decorate penises.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
You've changed since you got that strap on
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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