I must be too annoying 4 u.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
