The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
