I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
