do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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