There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
