Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
