I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
