I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Can't talk, ducks in the car
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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