I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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