he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
