I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
