I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
