one two three fourrrrnication!
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
