She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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