Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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