imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
