it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I could fuck to npr.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
