Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
you had me at cake vodka
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
The air taste purple.
I'm really busy with my period
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