I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
