Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
