he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
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