just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
