Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
