Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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