it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
she pinky promised me she was 18
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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