i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
