question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
