Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
