Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
