God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
