apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
