and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
