i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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