I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
