Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
