you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
