the day after is always just damage control
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
