I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
