1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I am naked and annoyed.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
